Sumo Bean's review of the movie "Taken"

This movie is BADASS. The End.






OK, just kidding, that's not all I'm going to write, although, it really sufficiently describes the movie. But to please Sir Etimus, I will write a real review.

Basically, if Kim Bauer got kidnapped and Jack Bauer went ape shit on the lowlife human traffickers that sold her into prostitution, you would have the same movie, only Jack Bauer has only 24 hours whereas Qui Gon Jin has 96 hours to exact some Jedi Vengeance.

The movie, starring Liam Neeson as an ex-CIA agent or secret service agent (the movie never reveals his occupation, only that he worked for the US government as a "preventor"), starts off with Liam trying to make up for lost time with his daughter after a lifetime of service to his country. The first fifteen minutes or so sets up the backdrop up until the moment that Liam's daughter, played by Maggie Grace (who happens to be really hot), frantically calls Liam as she is about to get kidnapped. If you've seen the trailers, then you are familiar with this scene, when Liam talks to the kidnappers and says something to the effect of: "I have accumulated a particular set of skills over a long career that makes me a nightmare for people like you. If you let my daughter go, that will be the end of it. I will not look for you. If you don't, I WILL find you, and I WILL kill you."

DAYAMN! That was intense. What a badass. If you have to take a piss, make sure you do it during this first 15 minutes, because after that phone call, you don't want to miss one bone-jarring minute of the non-stop, jizz-in-yo-pants action that fills out the rest of this movie. The action is very similar to a Bourne movie. In fact, Liam's character has the fighting skills, adaptability, intuition, and superspy sixth sense of Jason Bourne; the ruthlessness and sense of urgency of Jack Bauer; and the creativity of Macguyver. From here on out, there's not a moment that will bore you, and there are several moments that will make you gasp and say "damn, did he really do that? What a badass!"

And if your girlfriend is reluctant to watch this movie due to it's gratuitous violence, make sure that you tell her that the backbone, the skeleton if you will, of this movie is really a father-daughter story--a father trying to make up for lost time with his daughter and the lengths a father will go to keep his daughter safe. It just so happens that this backbone comes layered with lots of muscle--violent, steroid-enhanced muscle that would keep BALCO busy for years.

Watch it. Because if you don't, Liam will find you, and he will kill you.

*Update*
While watching Taken in our hotel room in Tahoe:
Ben: Pay attention, this scene is badass
Phil: ...Oh sh*t! Ra's al Ghul just kicked his ass!
Jon: Batman's teacher can f*ck anyone up.